Deal With the Fact That Limp Bizkit Are Releasing A New Album
Well, where to begin? First of all, you might be surprised to learn that the last Limp Bizkit album wasn’t Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water. In fact, it wasn’t even 2003’s tepidly received Results May Vary. Apparently, in 2005, Limp Bizkit released an album called The Unquestionable Truth, Pt. 1. Congratulations to the world over for wholly ignoring that one.
And yet, in a move that is probably attributable to a tragic lack of shame and self-awareness, Limp Bizkit soldier on. Maybe they’ve noticed a void in the inarticulate-hormonal-rage genre. I mean, Four Loko’s still on sale in a few states, right? Someone’s got to soundtrack the nightlife of borderline sex criminals.
And so we have the announcement that Gold Cobra, the fifth studio album from the Bizkit, exists, and will be released on June 28th. What’s more, it features what the press release is calling the “historic line-up of Fred Durst, Wes Borland, Sam Rivers, John Otto, and DJ Lethal.” I’ll allow for the use of “historic” in this case, as I believe “Break Stuff” to be as psychically scarring as any Vietnam flashback.
While we’re on the subject, you might be wondering: “Do any of the songs have titles as regressively stupid as “Break Stuff?” To that, I answer; that’s an unrealistic threshold for any of the new songs to cross. However, the album does start off with “Introbra,” works its way through staggeringly oblivious titles like “Get a Life” and “Douche Bag,” before hitting a true Durst-ian linguistic gem, “Autotunage.” And that’s just the standard version of the album. Both the deluxe edition and the Best Buy deluxe edition feature a song called “My Own Cobain.” Could it be about Durst’s most famous discovery, Puddle of Mudd’s Wes Scantlin? You’ll just have to wait and see.