Xiu Xiu – Dear God, I Hate Myself

Last year, Xiu Xiu frontman Jamie Stewart went on a solo tour selling homemade chocolates. Why? Well, besides the fact that everyone loves chocolate — every sane, non-allergic person, that is — one might argue the juxtaposition factor. Taking eight years, numerous member changes (recently long-time collaborator Caralee McElroy left to join synth-poppers Cold Cave) and seven albums into account, Xiu Xiu’s music is hardly what one would call “sweet.” So what better contrast than a slab of chocolate to chomp on while listening to songs characteristically involving unsettling vulgarity? Yet if one listens closely, beneath the grim layers of shock value, there is a certain sweetness to be found in the music of Xiu Xiu. On the haunted pop of their newest album Dear God, I Hate Myself, Stewart and company embed this sweetness into a record so veracious in its detail, variation, precision and artistic vision, the band continues its title as one of the most innovative and important voices in independent music.

While clanging, cluttering acoustic guitars and synth-pop tendencies have always been a staple of the Xiu Xiu sound, Dear God offers an extension of this formula on a broader scale — simply put, there are more bells and whistles (literally) than ever before. Thanks to Stewart’s recent compositional affair with a Nintendo DS, the album finds several tracks (“Dear God, I Hate Myself,” “Secret Motel,” etc.) getting the Super Mario treatment like never before. What is remarkable, however, is how little the adornments get in the way of the lyrical achievements made on the album. Take opening track “Gray Death.” Stewart is attune to using only the most concrete of images: “a sopping wet towel of stupidity” and “you were beautiful when I lost you/ like whip covered in pins and glue” he spouts in between razor sharp chorus hooks. And while it’s not always precisely obvious what Stewart’s driving at (i.e. “a cartoon with no friends” on “Apple For A Brain”), he never fails to leave a lasting impression on your mind.

Although lyrically, Stewart is as gripping as ever, perhaps even more intriguing is the album’s overall stylistic arc. While presented as, yes, a pop album (“goth pop” if you must), there is such variation throughout that it demands repeated listens and closer observation. The ultra-sugary pop ode to sweetness “Chocolate Makes You Happy” brings synth squirms and squiggles, a fuzzed-out bass line contrasted by auxiliary percussion, and pans and pots which sound as if he’s actually making the candies while recording the song. Equally catchy, “This Too Shall Pass Away (For Freddy)” with its horn section riffing, is an upbeat pop tune with a compassionate touch.

Yet Xiu Xiu doesn’t shy away from tapping more eclectic influences, as heard in their Deerhoof-assisted (John Dieterich and Greg Saunier) acoustic rendition of folk traditional “Cumberland Gap.” But it’s not until Stewart gets truly intimate on “Hyunye’s Theme” do we feel the tug on the heartstrings — he narrates a story of a lonely girl studying law at a desk. The lyrics name this person as “Seo,” begging the question: is it new Xiu Xiu bandmate/pianist Angela Seo being described here? No answers, but at any rate, the song demonstrates a wide range of melodic dynamics, full string section, and Stewart’s beautiful, underrated acoustic guitar touch.

Still, if there’s a figurative sweetness within the album, it may be found in Stewart’s candid self-deprecation throughout. There’s a certain generosity and compassion in baring it all, which Stewart has always done better than most — even so, rarely has it worked this well. The outstanding title track “Dear God, I Hate Myself” poses the question: is Stewart merely uttering “Dear God” as a figure of speech or is he literally praying to the deity? Given the agonizing, meditative, and heart-on-sleeve nature of the song, I’d suspect the latter. Anyone who’s seen the music video — three uncut, gross-out minutes of self-induced vomiting — should get the message: self-loathing isn’t pretty. But taking a closer listen to the album, Xiu Xiu proves beauty can be found in our gravest moments of self-doubt and even self-hatred.

The album closes with a song fittingly-titled “Impossible Feeling.” As the bowed upright bass and the clinking piano ring out, we find Stewart echoing the lines “feeling, feeling, feeling” — a reference to the great Joy Division standard “Disorder.” If anyone knew about impossible feelings and self-hatred, it was singer Ian Curtis, and perhaps it’s apt that Xiu Xiu will soon be teaming up with long-time pals Deerhoof to cover the Joy Division classic Unknown Pleasures — no small ambition by any measure. But what Dear God achieves is an accomplishment met on its own terms, set apart from its influences. As the album cover suggests — a black and white photo of Stewart staring the listener dead in the eye — we find Xiu Xiu more self-aware than ever, unveiling its self-spurn as well as as its sweetness. A record about looking inward, it may not be socially groundbreaking — but because Xiu Xiu bare it all, it may break more than a few hearts.

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